Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize