Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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