The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
