I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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