I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the gays at disneyland are vicious
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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