She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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