look no pants
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
