don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
