Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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