i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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