I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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