i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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