Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
