My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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