return my video game
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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