I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
