Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
