Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
