Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
