Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
