Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
