its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
