Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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