A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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