He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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