just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
