come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
