I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I love black thongs
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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