just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
