When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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