Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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