Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
