You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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