You're my little dorito
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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