i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
