There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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