I'm jealous of your bromance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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