he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
