are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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