Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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