You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize