I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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