I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
