Sry I called you an 8
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
