Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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