worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
