just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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