why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
