Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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