somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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