I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
