I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
