Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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