I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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