Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
