i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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