Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
