Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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