unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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