i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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