Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You don't make any sense
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