Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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