Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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