u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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