A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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