i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
