I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
