Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
