Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
