Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
